ALL AROUND LASU WITH MADAM SNOOP

Every society needs a domestic police because the rate at which people perpetuate irregularities in quite overwhelming. For the LASU community, I Madam Snoop is the police and I shall bring all culprits to book (thanks to BlackBox). So in all you do, remember Mademoiselle Snoop is watching because there is no hiding place . . . (wicked grin)

LASUSU of Jazz
In the last edition, BB pointed out certain names of students contesting for offices in LASUSU which had funny meanings and we warned that Lasuites should take caution or else babalawos would take over the union. Anyway for those who know the number 2 man in the LASUSU secretariat and remembers his name (which has something to do with the head) asides parading himself as the “LASUSU 04” has remained a controversial figure. This dude has been living up to his name as he has been heard several times threatening people (students) with fetish attitudes. His popular term is “I go use jazz knack you”. na wa o.

FMS LASUSU AGENDA
It is a known fact that the faculty of Manslaughter sorry, Faculty of Management Sciences always come out very actively when issues of students unionism rears its ugly head but what is funny is the number of political aspirants who have shown interest for the number 1 slot in the students union. BB gathered that recently a stakeholders meeting was called to discuss the fate of FMS in the next LASUSU elections and about 12 students as in 9,10,11,12 indicated interest for the top job. Amongst them are present Executives, Reps and a young teenager who people have been describing as a joker. Gen gen, e don set!

UNADMIRABLE STUDENT GIVEN MOST ADMIRED STUDENT AWARD
Wonders they say shall never cease and like another saying there is nothing money cannot do. These and many more can be used to describe the last FMS Award ceremony where everything was going on smoothly until it was time to present the award for the most admires jambite and alas came an uncultured and razz Shrek look-alike who could have passed for anything but an admired fellow... So pathetic was the situation that even the MC had to ask this sincere question “are you the one or you wanted to accept it on someone’s behalf”?

300LEVEL LAW STUDENT WHO CAN’T RECITE NATIONAL ANTHEM
If only she had respected herself jeje then katakata won’t have shele. Well it happened that at a recent magazine launch, a rather cute girl was called upon to give the opening prayer after which she decided to assist in running the programme in the absence of the MC. The news anyways is that this girl tried reciting the National Anthem and that was when calamity befell her intellectual beauty. Arise o compatots, Nigeria’s call to pay. To serve our father’s land, with love and love to faith . . . 300level faculty of law Lasu!


EXPOSED: HOSTEL TURNED BROTHEL
For those of us who know this hostel situated around Iyana-Ishashi, well Brown Brothel sorry Hostel is back in the news and this time not for something rosy. News emanating from the hostel which houses both male and female students has it that the place is fast becoming a sex haven. I.e. casual sex has become the order of the day and the funny thing is that so called big girls around LASU are actively involved.
BB reliably gathered that some of the main people on this list are;
 A 200l Banking and Finance babe with a dude in 200l Botany
 A 200l Marketing babe & a dude in Chemistry Education.
 A 200l Insurance babe & a bloke in Banking and finance
 Also on the list is a so-called big girl in 300l English and a 200l sociology dude
However, the funny thing is that some the guys involved have decided to spread the gospel and have been inviting their friends to the Brothel sorry, hostel to also have a fair share of the national cake. It was also further investigated some of these people especially the babes have other serious relationships which does not hinder their escapades in anyway.

TWO INDOMIE, ONE EGG
Still on Brown hostel, additional reports coming in have shown that the new found regular meal amongst the gbogbo bigz boiz and bigz galz now is the popular noodles. However, the funny thing is that these students so advertise this 90naira expensive meal that you would think it was sharwama or chicken and chips. For your info, the two indomie, one egg refers to two packs of small size indomie noodles and an egg which invariably costs less than 100 naira. This time I no go mention names, dey sabi demsef.

I CAN’T FIND MY SIZE
This is not the title of a song rather it is the case of a true life story about a LASU girl whose endowment would give Cossy a run for her money. So the news is that a trade fair was organised under the tree and amongst all things being sold was the packaging instrument for girls (is it also called Corset or Bra). So it happened that this girl who is in the Economising department like a lot of other girls went there in company of her friends and why others were happily selecting she was found standing alone at the back which surprised her friends and she was asked if she wasn’t interested but her response was a sober “I can’t find my size.

AFTERNOON LAW DINNER
The recent law elections were preceded by a manifesto and we were all there to observe but what really grabbed our attention was the speech by eventual winner, em em pastor you now. So the issue is that of law dinner and as we all know the annual dinner is a heritage highly cherished by law, it was a deep topic of discourse during the debate especially as it concerns the insecurity witnessed in recent past. What is however the bone of contention is the statement by the eventual winner who disclosed that if voted in, he would ensure the law dinner holds during a ‘Godly hour’ of 2pm in the afternoon and 7pm in the evening. What manner of law dinner? Shouldn’t we rather say LAW LUNCH would be a better name, abi what the meaning of law dinner in the afternoon?

1 SHOE AND 1 SATIN LACE
A story has been told of this powerful legal student whose fashion sense would cause ripples in your spines. She is reported to be a former No2 citizen of the prestigious white and black college who got elevated to the top due to an academically related call her boss had to obey. Rumour has it that there is this particular shoe our madam is so fond of to the extent that you would see it on her immediately after reading this piece. For those who lack observatory skills, yes it was the same shoe she wore to the Law dinner, Classfon dinner and every other programme she has found herself in recent times. She is also rumoured to be fond of satin lace as her official white top on black skirt. Well, I can’t confirm this but I can recall that she wore a satin lace to the law dinner and the Classfon dinner although the colours were different. When next you see her, please give our emeritus 01 her deserved accolades oh and please, do not dare light a match beside her. Court dismissed!
THE WHIP AND THE CONTAINER
‘Wonders upon the earth hath endowed’ did that statement make sense to you, no? Neither did it make sense to me. So is this next story you are about to hear.
Now, it is the story of the legislative mace bearer who seems to be biting more than he can chew in his choice of relationship.
We gather that the container or you can call her madam in question is a student in Sciences and their combination is like that of ‘Ofiliganga and Shanko Rashidi’. Well for those who can decode, this is for you.
JOKES
5,000 Naira VOTE
The Lasusu election might have come and gone but some memories cannot be forgotten as they will keep lingering in our minds for a long time to come. Such cases definitely shouldn’t be swept under the carpet. It was reported that one of the presidential candidates in his quest to emerge winner went to a faculty and allegedly settled some stakeholders (or is it stalk-holders) in other to get the support of majority of the students though their votes. In all, BB was reliably informed that this candidate gave out a cash sum of 10,000 naira and he was importantly rewarded with a total of 2 (as in TWO) votes. Funny isn’t it? 5k per vote.
BLACKBERRY MADNESS
Saying this advance GSM has taken over LASU is obviously an over-statement. However what make up this piece is the extent students especially girls would go to acquire this gadget. All around campus, shawties are now seen keeping to themselves and laughing widely because of adverse pinging. In fact you can’t relate with some girls now except you have pinging effects. There are some girls who don’t even give out phone numbers any more but would simply say ‘you can have my BB Pin’. Madam Snoop reliably gathered that some girls who simply can’t afford BB have extended their hustling techniques and now trade day and night, body and soul to acquire a BB. In fact boys are not left out; a certain student of the Historical Department who resides in the Presidential Cabin 202 has been rewarded for a service well given by an appreciative customer who was thrilled by his ability to perform like a dipsomaniac. Another annoying thing is the nuisance charging of these BB in class even while lectures are going on. And the new mode of greeting has been introduced to accommodate the BB, while trying to say HI to their fellow student , their coffin bag on the ankle joint and the BB on the palm would be waving at you, if they are trying to show it off i dont know but what madness INDEED. I just bought my own BB but I would be purchasing the pin sometimes next week so don’t ask me . . . . . . . .
NB: information coming in has it that LASU is about to be flooded with new influx of assorted BBs due to the bursary finance which is about to be paid. Madam Snoop is watching